Judy at Living On the Other Side of the Hill, and
Marie at A Colorful World .
Now, this brings up the subject of blogging awards. Now before I give an account of my own personal thoughts on this matter, please keep in mind that in no way do I judge those who do participate in awards. I think they are a beautiful way to encourage and honor bloggers who have brightened your day or inspire you. The problem I have is within myself and in no way reflects on anyone else.
The reason I've been so long in deciding what to do about getting these awards is this: I used to covet these type of awards. When I first started blogging (before any of the posts on this blog) I would see the awards in the sidebar of others and wonder what I had to do to get one. I saw many of my favorite blogs giving out and receiving these awards constantly, but it was never to me - even though I was on their blogrolls. I became discouraged.
I added a counter, because I hoped that perhaps I was getting many vistors that I didn't know about. As the numbers proved I was right, I became preoccupied with who had visited (counter sites often tell you who visited, how often they visited and for how long.) Finally, I realized that this too was a flaw in myself and my Christian walk. I am not to covet or to want to be "seen in the streets." I took off the counter and started hoping that I would never receive an award.
Later, I became concerned with my obsession with blogging in general. I decided to delete all my posts, (I did print them out first and put them in a binder) and started journaling in a notebook instead. But, I missed the ease of adding digital photos. And I missed the fellowship.
Once I got to a controlled, non-covetous place in my soul, I began blogging again. No counter. Mindful to not be posting when there were more pressing things to be done around the house. Not wanting any awards.
But when you quit trying... ladybugs, lots and lots of ladybugs! (sorry, Tuscan Sun moment)
At first, I was paralyzed by receiving an award! Do I reject it? Do I ignore it? No, I can't do that, because I count the givers as a long-distance friends. So they sat in my "comments to be moderated" box.
My mistake is the reason I'm posting this: I had not made a conscious decision about what to do beforehand; I hadn't prepared myself for what to do if ever I did receive an award. And I hadn't posted anywhere on my blog about not wanting awards, so how would anyone know?
I want to thank the ladies who gave me these warm hugs but I'm sure that none of them would want me going on and on with this struggle in my head. I was sure I wanted to acknowledge the encouragement, but once I start accepting awards and giving awards it will become too easy to fall into old ways. And those awards look so pretty lined up in the sidebar, it would just be something that would be in the back of my mind...and I don't want to get prideful ever!