My feet are terribly cold but my belly is coffee-warm.
I'm thinking about how glad I am that my sister-in-law has been writing to me. She's been having many deep, thoughtful questions, the kind that send me to the scripture for edifying verses. I've been able to look at what the Bible says that God wants of us - how to conduct ourselves - in a simpler light. I suppose trying to simplify it (as I can get rather wordy) for my replies has made me see how simple it really is. Cleared my head.
The whole 10 commandments, even, are really just two. Love God with every fiber of our being and love one another. (Matt. 22:36-40) As for keeping our bodies holy, just don't eat 3 manners of foods (which we didn't eat anyway) and to not be sexually immoral; fornicators. (Acts 15:29) This one is a hard one in American culture. That one is easy now too. Thankfully, God himself reached down and pricked my heart to set me right, even before I understood that I was being disobedient. He told me before I read it. I only wish I had understood sooner, but I'm sure the prostitutes that Jesus saved did too. But, he says that it's in past and forgiven and "sin no more." I look up to Him with such gratitude that I wonder if my face is glowing. I know my eyes are.
Now, the thing that I know I'm lacking in, that trait I can feel Him calling for more in me, are good works. To actually reach out beyond myself and bless others. Like to edify the saints, to feed the hungry, to reach the lost. As my heart swells with love for Christ, I find myself wanting to do his will. I had been comfortable to do His will as a wife, and mother, a friend. But then something happened...
It scared me at first. I remember it first happened when Son and I were shopping for his college stuff. In a clothing store that we had been in many times before. The pounding of the music and the t-shirts displayed - I suddenly saw them in a different light. I knew they were displeasing to God. I pondered why we were even in there. Then, I saw a young man. Actually, there were two of them, looking - dressed very much alike. But for some reason, I didn't see him as a person at all. I saw a soul. I found myself staring at him and then trying not to stare at him for fear of seeming like a weirdo. (After all, I was an obvious MOM in a store for the lost.) But, I suddenly realized... "is this how God sees us?" I saw all his features, his clothes, his skin, his hair, his stance, all as a drapery that could just easily be pulled away, like they do when they unveil works of art - the fabric soundlessly slipping off polished marble. I saw the work of art.
It was then I knew that God was showing me something marvelous. And asking of me, "speak to the lost. Tell this BEAUTIFUL work of art - work of my heart - that I love him, that I want him to know Me."
Just speak to him for Me.
But I looked away. I was like a deer caught in the headlights. It was all too new, too strange, and I was inexperienced. Doubt screamed in my heart. Surely, not me?!! I'm sure it looked like I was just a mom, browsing the store with my son. And that day, I'm ashamed to say, that's all I was.
But, it's happened to me again since then. Out of the blue, I'll see another soul. In a restaurant. The inmate helping to clear the brush on our roadway. At a party. On son's campus. It's almost as if I get tunnel-vision and suddenly their exterior melts away and what is left is a glowing resemblance of them - a beautiful vision. I feel compelled to speak to them. To tell them simply, "He loves you and is calling to you." What needs to be said afterwards, if anything, I have no idea. I get the feeling it will be one of those "let the Spirit speak" kind of deals.
It is a bit scary. I've always been hurt by rejection. But, how much more has He been hurt by rejection. I'm nothing special. I'm just His. And HE is special. And I find that more and more, I want to please Him. If He is showing me something then I want to do it. And I'm humbled to think He would do anything through me.
But wanting and doing can be two different things. So, I will try harder. Love more.
I want to hear "well done..."